im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
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I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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