we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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