Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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