ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
