I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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