She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
