Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
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