I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
And the cops told us we were all naked.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
