My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I could make wine with my vomit
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize