can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
can u get pink eye on your cock?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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