I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
