did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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