I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
