I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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