Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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