I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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