my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize