Porn is love you can see.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
