So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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