yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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