Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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