hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
