I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize