Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
i think my cat just said my name.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
