Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
