Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
i now understand why vodka
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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