the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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