Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize