it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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