Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize