Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize