So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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