apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
