I could have mohawked her pubes.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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