She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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