apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize