Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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