He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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