You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
