mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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