So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
