Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
