I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
