i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
