were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
