The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize