my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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