i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
