Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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