btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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