he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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