Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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