never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
