Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
