I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
