you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
