im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
