why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Less talking, more tequila
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
