i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
