The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
