yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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