Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
