i just sent this text using only my big toe
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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